Back In The Real World

I can’t actually tell you how wonderful it was last week, doing absolutely nothing. Well, I tell a lie, I ate a lot, drank a lot of sangria, read three books, and just soaked up the sun on the beach. Very tiring stuff. We had a great apartmenty type place that had the most amazing views of the sea and was literally a 2 minute walk to the beach, and about a 5 minute walk to restaurants and bars, so Vati was very happy as it meant he could drink as much beer as he liked and not have to worry about driving home. Our apartment was also good because they had UK satellite tv, so we could watch Wimbledon and our local news and whatnot.

The books I read were: Twilight by Stephenie Meyer, The Ghost by Robert Harris, and Violets are Blue by James Patterson. None really blew me away, but all were entertaining in their own right. I started to read The Da Vinci Code again as well.

I got home from holiday and decided I have entirely too many possessions. I have absolutely no use for all the junk I have stored all around my room, and so have gotten rid of 4 pairs of shoes and a bin liner full of clothes. I’m going to go through my make up and throw away things I haven’t used in years and are all dry and crusty now. Ew. Quite tempted to save up and redecorate my room, seeing as at this rate I will be living at home until I’m about a million years old.

Bad bad news regarding the job I desperately wanted. I didn’t get it. The interviewer and I kept missing each others phone calls until I finally got through yesterday morning on a quick break at work. I was a bit upset because I really really wanted that job, and all I could do was say I was really disappointed and thank her for her time, to which she remarked ‘yes, well, there are lots of other disappointed people too’ which just came across as completely condescending and did not help my mood. I had to pull myself together pretty sharpish, but I hadn’t realised how much I was relying on that job as an escape route out of the current one. Mutti made me my favourite strawberry milkshake when I got in from work and consoled me by saying all the right things, ie that anyone who doesn’t want me in any respect is a complete fool. I then ate half a rhubarb crumble and felt quite sick.

But today I do kind of feel better about it. I think it was a message that that wasn’t the right route for me, and in my mind it is now indefinitely closed. Strangely I feel a bit like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, because the whole applying/interviewing/waiting ordeal has been going on for two months and was preying on my mind loads. So now I’m a bit free-er to search other areas, consider other avenues and start applying for different things. Of course I’m still completely at a loss as to what to do with my life, but in a slightly more positive way than before.

Work hasn’t been too bad the past few days I’ve been back. I’ve been roped into working on my day off though, because it’s very busy. It’s helpful having the new girl though. Plus I earned brownie points from Big Boss because I was able to print something off for her, and created a template for something on Word. Oh what fun it is to be the most computer literate person there.

I went bowling on Wednesday after work for my friends’ birthdays, and they’re having a small gathering at their house tomorrow, so I have that to look forward to. Plus it’s now only two weeks until my birthday. I don’t know what to do, if anything, because I’m working that day (although I am planning on dragging my friends to the cinema at some poitnt to see Harry Potter, which they will enjoy, or else). Kind of not looking forward to it at all actually.

Anyway, that’s what’s been going on with me, now I’ve got to get ready for bed and make my sandwiches for tomorrow, then snuggle down and watch Jonathan Ross. Night night.

Saturday Morning

I went to bed last night with every intention of getting up early this morning and going volunteering with the ponies. I woke up with slightly less intention, but it was still there. But once I got into the kitchen I started reading the paper, then I had a really long hot shower and, well, time just flew away from me. But it’s probably a good thing because I need to get to the post office as they are only open for a few hours on Saturday mornings – need some Euros and to post a birthday present – and then I have to find Vati a Father’s Day card (t’is tomorrow) and possibly a crate of beer or something useful to tell him I much I love him, and buy my own alcoholic beverages and BBQ food for this afternoon. Not to mention sorting my outfits this afternoon/tonight, finding clean clothes for work tomorrow and, oh, PACKING for my holiday on Monday. Gonna be busy.

Work has been as bad as was predicted. On Wednesday I did not get home until after 7pm, and had literally just had time to heat my dinner up in the microwave when the Twinnies rang the doorbell to pick me up to take me to the pub quiz. I stood there looking all dejected in my muddy/pooey/hairy clothes, and they said they’d wait in the car for me. Lovely friends. Was very proud of myself at the quiz, I didn’t disgrace myself once! And I knew a lot of answers other people didn’t. Integral part of the team, methinks.

Lots to do now, must be off!

Lots To Say

I cannot wait for this week to be over. Work is even worse than usual because my coworker who handed her notice in decided that she wasn’t ever going to show up for work again! Which has left us all up the crapper because there are days when there are only two people in and it’s just not enough. I am exhausted. And Big Boss is in a very good mood because of it. NOT.

I had a job interview last Wednesday for a job I want sooooooo badly. I think it went ok. It was quite funny actually because I had been worrying over what to say if they asked the old favourite interview question: what’s your biggest weakness? And lo and behold, they did! Luckily I had a spiffy answer prepared. But over 100 people applied for this job so I feel lucky to have even gotten an interview! They said they will shortlist 4 or 5 people to go in for a second interview/morning of work to see how they get on, and that won’t be for another couple of weeks until the interviews are over. I really really really hope I get called back. Please everyone keep all fingers/toes/limbs/eyes crossed for me. But I have decided that whatever happens, before my six month probation period is up, I will quit my job. I simply cannot work this many hours a week for so little respect and so much abuse.

On Monday I am off to Portugal for a week with my parents and brother. Which will be fabulous because all I want to do is lie in the sun on the beach and eat seafood and drink fruity cocktails. Plus it means a week of Vati paying for stuff and therefore I can save my money (a good thing as I just paid out over £300 for my car insurance, and next month the tax is due on it and the month after is MOT – a test cars have to pass once a year to prove they’re roadworthy – which my poor little car might fail due to the way I drive like a loony).

I really don’t have much else to say because I have no social life anymore. Mutti said it was sad that in the past two weeks the only time I’ve been out of the house apart from for work was to visit Grandvati in the old folk’s home. I guess she’s right. I just want my weekends back. Sorry to keep harping on about work, but right now, that is my life.

Oh – hopefully Vati is going to crack under the pressure we are putting on him and let us get a dog. I hope so. He says he wants something scruffy looking. Mutti wants something she can pick up. And once we are back from holiday we are going to get some new little rabbits too. Vati asked what I wanted for my birthday and I said rabbits (just to make sure we get them) and he said that was silly because we were already going to get some and it was a waste of a birthday. I’m umming and ahhring over whether or not to get a new laptop, seeing as mine beeps incessently and is about as fast as a very slow snail. But I kind of want a nice SLR camera too. Not that I can take photos to save my life.

At least I have a social engagement this weekend, as my friends The Twinnies are celebrating the end of Twinny 1’s university days and return to the hometown with a big BBQ and night on the tiles. Fabulous, have not been out for a month! But, will either have to not drink much, drink lots early on and hope I sober up, or drink and be horrendously hungover because YES, I have work at 7.30am on Sunday! Fandabbydosy. And then a very early morning on Monday because Vati always books flights at stupid o’clock to make the most of the first day in a foreign land, ie go to the supermarket and buy beer and European foods we can’t get in the UK. So I will be absolutely shattered! But the best part is I don’t get a suitcase(!) because, as I am not Vati’s spouse or in full time education, he can’t get as big a discount for me (perks of working in the aircraft industry), and so he has saved money by not paying for me to have luggage. Think perhaps I shall wear my entire wardrobe on plane?

So Long, Summer

Scrap everything about my last post. Summer has ended in the United Kingdom. The temperature has dropped by about ten degrees Celsius, it’s raining, and I read in the paper this morning it’s been snowing in Scotland. I’m back in multiple layers as well.

I’ve been watching the first season of Prison Break again, and it resulted in an amazing dream last night in which I was running away from a woman who resembled in part Chrisina Scofield, but also my boss. It was an incredible dream, involving lots of jumping over fences, running and hiding in woods, and also some horse riding in order to escape. Over the past few years I have had a number of Prison Break dreams, and they have all been awesome. My dreams are always vivid in any case and do tend to involve murder and crime and being set up etc etc. One day I’m sure I’m going to dream up a novel that will make me rich beyond my wildest dreams!!

I’m still searching for new jobs, as I have been for months now. Mutti keeps telling me to become a teacher. And right now I must say the idea is growing on me…

These Are The Days

The weather has been just beautiful over the past few days – so sunny and warm I’ve finally cut down to just one layer, after months of being cold since my return from Australasia (seriously, when I first got home I was wearing five layers; recently it’s been down to three, but one is unprecedented!). Last week at work was good because the boss was on holiday, so we were more relaxed, even though we were ridiculously busy and starting at 7.30 every day. One thing I forgot to mention was that the woman who started work at the same time as me had quit because she can’t take the abuse any more. Lord knows what’s going to happen if and when I hand my notice in. But I do love the doggies and I even love doing paperwork! Something I never thought I’d enjoy, but I do! But then again I have always loved filling in forms.

Day off today, and I went round one of my bestest friend’s houses because I haven’t seen her in forever as she has been busy finishing university. She cooked us a roast dinner, which was delicious, and then we sat outside on the grass and sunbathed and threw the frisbee for the dog and made friendship bracelets because apparantly we are 12, not 21. I was there all day and just got home in time to make my lunch for tomorrow, drink a cup of tea and spend a little time on the internets before I have to go to bed.

Anyway, I love the summer, I love sunshine, I love when my mood is lifted, I love spending time with friends, I love the cute blue cotton dress I wore today, I love listening to music, and I love that it’s only three weeks until my holiday!

Ronnie.

I suppose I have been neglecting my blog of late. I don’t know why, but I just don’t feel like writing. That in itself is not too strange, but what is different is that I’m not even imagining what I can write. I think part of it is because I am so tired from work, and I have barely any social life anymore. But I guess working 50 hours a week does that to you. My work alter-ego Ronnie and I have been up and down in regards to work. Love the job, love the people slightly less, love the boss a lot less. But we’re not slagging off bosses on the internets, no matter how computer illiterate they might be and how frustrating conversations can be.

Hopefully this doesn’t count as slagging off bosses on the internets, but I have to show you a real life example of a conversation, and hopefully you can understand why I might get a little bit irritated.

BB (Big Boss): Ronnie, what jobs have you done this morning?

Me: First I did…

BB: (interrupting) I don’t want to hear it now! Go and do this!

And off I go.

I think one of the reasons I want to talk about work here is because I need an outlet. I don’t say anything at work; I keep my thoughts to myself and I do what I’m told, because that’s just my nature. But gradually it’s wearing me down and grinding on my nerves. I had a horrendous day last weekend, and I realised I am so much better than this job.

I really think I’ve undershot with my life, and my choices, and it makes me sad to think how unhappy I am. I’m really smart, I was in all the top classes in school, but I lost focus and didn’t live up to my potential. Why am I stuck in this rutt? Why am I unable to meet anyone and have a meaningful relationship lasting more than a couple of months? I know complaining and moaning like this isn’t going to get me anywhere, but I just don’t feel able to open up any other way than writing on here. I need my positive mental attitude to come back, and my inherent happy-go-lucky nature, but I just feel lost, with no clear way out.

I feel ugly, inside and out.

Although, right now I kind of like my alter-ego Ronnie, and I think I may become her for a little while. Ronnie is very interested in politics, and is thinking of voting for the English Democrats in the forthcoming local  and EU elections (mainly thanks to the excellent party broadcast commercial after the news last night). Ronnie is never late. Ronnie eats healthily. Ronnie will go out of her way to help other people. Ronnie drinks green tea. And Ronnie has a tidy bedroom.

Yes, starting from tomorrow, I am Ronnie.

Days Like These

Ok, now I’m even more pee’d off than I was before, because I had just written a load about how much my boss annoys me, and then the internet effed up and I lost my complaining post. So grr. And a German shepherd jumped up at me today and cut my throat, and it’s sore. Plus I stayed late today to send an email for my grumpy boss because she is incapable of doing anything on the computer. I actually taught her how to open internet explorer, and what the little X means in the top right hand corner. And yesterday I had a big conversation with my grumpy boss’ dull husband, about why a website was a good idea for the business. I was actually tearing my hair out out how dull and old fashioned he is. Apparantly, 95% of our business is generated by word of mouth. Well yes, it would be, because you don’t pay for advertising and have no website. GKJAOFUGFIKBEFUI!!!!

And my boss keeps calling me Ronnie. SO not my name.

OK, good things: day off tomorrow, date with possible new boyfriend on Friday, phone contract upgrade means a snazzy new touchscreen phone arriving in a couple of days, and it’s Apprentice night tonight so I will get into my jimjams, heat up wheatbag tiger in the microwave and snuggle under my duvet. Only 16 minutes to go, so better be off.

Tellum Story

I had a great weekend in Wales. And the traffic was good too so that made the long journey a lot better (although, when I know I’m going on a long journey, I have a wee before I go, but then ten minutes into the journey, I always need another one! Why?). They have a fantastic little house. It’s a new build, three story and three bedroom, with everything two people and a dog could need. It made me feel really blue about living at home. Annoyingly, I took my lovely new camera, only to find I had stupidly left the battery at home. D’oh! So I only had the crappy little camera on my phone. We walked little Cosmo on the beach, even though it was so windy and rainy and cold (typical Wales), and went shopping for some things for the house. And really we just sat around and talked, which was great. On Sunday we had our student favourite for dinner: sweet and sour chicken stir fry. And it was fantastic. Cosmo has grown up so much, he’s even learning to drive now!

On my way home I stopped in the city I went to university in. I’d forgotten, or never really appreciated, how much I like it there, and I actually thought that it would be somewhere that I could live. I went to Tesco, though without housemates, and bought Australia on DVD. I felt really sad to drive away from there, as the next time I go back probably will not be for a very long time. Plus I was also going a long long way away from one of my bestest friends. I didn’t feel any better when a female blackbird flew straight into my car, and I had one of her feathers stuck under my windscreen wipers for ages after, and I just started crying as I drove away.

Once I got home I watched my new DVD, read Cosmopolitan and waited for Mutti and Vati to get back from France. I love love love Australia, and if you haven’t seen it, you must. It’s a roller coaster of an emotional ride, and it’s just fantastic. Plus, I love the line ‘all you own is your story, and I’m just trying to make mine a good one’. That pretty much sums up how I feel.

Oh, and I’m still seeing my new friend-who-just-happens-to-be-a-boy.

It’s been such beautiful weather the past few days. The sun has been shining, we have about a million birds nesting in our garden, and the trees have all of a sudden sprouted leaves. And all is right with the world, etc etc.

Mutti and Vati are off to France for a long weekend on Thursday, so I have decided to take a trip to Wales to see my bestest friend and favourite housemate, and Cosmo the puppy of course. I managed to wrangle two days off work, so I will leave on Friday lunchtime to get to Wales early evening when people have finished work, and then leave early on Monday. That way I get two full days. It’s a rubbish five hour drive to get there though. I know to people from a lot of countries, a five hour drive is nothing, but it’s a long way when you live on a little island, never need to travel more than an hour to anywhere apart from in exceptional circumstances and are technically driving to a different country.

I’ve been on a few dates now with this bloke. He’s very nice. I like him. We went out for dinner on Friday, and it was after 1am by the time I got home. We’re going to do something on Thursday evening as this weekend we will both be busy. Wish me luck!

Work doesn’t seem too bad at the moment. Things are finally starting to come together and I am now trusted on reception and can use the cash register (!). The past few days I have been trusted with a couple of dogs of my own in the grooming parlour. Not cutting hair or anything, just brushing them out, bathing them, and drying them. Which sounds a bit pathetic really doesn’t it? But it’s actually quite tricky when you do it the professional way. And with curly haired dogs such as poodles and bichons, it does take some practice to get it dried to the right standard for the groomer to work with.

Now I’m going to tidy my room and change the sheets on my bed, because I bought a new duvet set from Primark last week and I want to see what it looks like on. Then Prison Break is back on TV tonight, so I shall curl up in bed and watch it. Toodles!

Edit: new bedspread:

My Easter Weekend

So I worked Friday and Saturday from 7.30-6 both days. Exhausted afterwards. Even though it’s a long day, the time doesn’t drag; I’m always so busy. Which is good in a way. I’m never bored the way I was when I worked in a shop. I’m still terrified of my boss though, and I live in fear of the day she’ll make me cry. The level of bitchiness between some of my co-workers drives me crazy, but luckily I am very easy going so it doesn’t show and I don’t partake. I’ve worked out not to trust certain people, to not confide in them, and to neither agree nor disagree with what they say. Instead I make many non-commital noises … hmmm … ahhh … mmm … And I always do what I’m told to do with a smile. My boss complained about that fact it took three of us to complete one task yesterday afternoon, and as I walked into the office (first) she asked me to tell her exactly what I had been doing in said task. I quickly ran through the list of actions I had taken in the task, and she let me go. She then pounced on my co worker and kept her there for aaaaages, interrogating her. Sometimes I feel like I really like my job, other times I’m desperate to find something that is a career, not a job. Last night I bumped into a boy that I had a major crush on in school. He told me he now works for the NHS with a very long job title. I told him I walk dogs, and just felt …  ridiculous. I have a degree and this is what I’m doing?

Went out with just a few friends last night. My brother was out with some of his friends as well, and at about 1.30 Mutti sent me a text message saying he had lost his phone and she had just had a phone conversation with the guy that had picked it up. So then I was texting this guy to try and meet him to get the phone back. He told me to meet him in the garden of a grungy club, so I dragged a friend there, down some dodgy alleyways, and tried ringing the phone. But the jerkoff never picked up. We stood in the supermarket car park next to this ‘garden’ for aaages (luckily we have a heavy police presence around these parts), and my friend sent a provocative message in an effort to get him to reply, but eventually we gave up. What a joker and an arsehole. I kept ringing him all the way home and for a while before I went to bed, until he turned it off. My brother was very out of it and was asleep on the bathroom floor. It was pretty funny this morning, when he didn’t remember anything that I said to him. But the most annoying thing was that I didn’t get my Subway because of the phone palava.

Today we had my Nan and her husband over for Sunday lunch. Nan is currently up to her knee in plaster from a foot operation. My brother and I had a lot of fun racing with the crutches. Then we watched Jersey Girl on DVD and the olds fell asleep. Tomorrow I’m supposedly going out with the date from last Sunday, but right now I can’t muster any excitement. I have buy some new wellies tomorrow, because in four weeks at my job I have gone through two pairs, so now reluctantly I am going to have to buy expensive, industrial wellingtons. Then back to work on Tuesday. All of my close friends from university have now moved in with their long term boyfriends or are house hunting, and how much do I love living with my parents, where every move I make is documented? Everything about everything is annoying me right now. Please leave me in peace with my Buffy DVD’s and my duvet. Many thanks.